Tuesday, May 9, 2023 – I watched Colonel Mustapha’s speak to Eve Mungai TV on her YouTube channel with perturbed curiosity. Nothing like a humbled former star to remind us of the fickleness of life, and the cruel hand of fate and the cards life serves us over the years.
It is something that Mustapha said at the end of the interview that is instructive to us this morning.
He told young men who have gigs and jobs to start saving now, to start doing business now, and don’t live like tomorrow is guaranteed or the good cheque is permanent.
That is what his grace to grass story teaches us.
The consistent feedback I get from readers of this memos, especially from older men, always is: “Silas, I wish I read this book ten years.”
Too bad life has no rehearsals. In Memo No. 37, of Volume 1 of 50 Memos to Men, I addressed the very issue of the Mustapha types. Not as a judgement call, but as a reminder to younger men that pesa huisha.
I do go out with young and boy, do these young men blow out money or what! There are young men in their late 20s and early 30s currently blowing up money on women, alcohol and frivolous things and predictably by the end of this decade some of them will be broke, jobless, probably divorced and ruing not making the right calls at the right time.
That was extremely wise of Mustapha.
In the aughts, Colonel Mustapha and Nasty Thomas were a powerhouse and the face of Kapuka out of South B/C. They ruled the airwaves with their hits such as Mona Lisa, Kinyaunyau, Adhiambo and my favourite of all time Katika. Nairobi Cool ranked Katika at No. 7 in their list of greatest 100 Kenyan Songs of all time. After their split, Mustapha dropped a few more gems such as Mtaani com with Avril, Hey Baby with Marya(another banger) and Lenga Stress. In between he served us the usual celebrity drama, had a gig in a Kenyan soap and then his fortunes tanked.
When I lived in Utawala briefly nursing a mild heartbreak, he was my neighbour and it wasn’t uncommon for people to point at some kinyozi and mention ‘by the way Mustapha anaishi tu hapa mtaani.”
Assuming he is not on some clout chasing (he sounded crestfallen and genuine), then he deserves all the sympathy and support, especially with a sick mother. Cancer is bad news. Nearly all of us would be drained if we or a beloved one caught cancer.
To take a mjengo job is acceptance that things can go wrong even for the best amongst us. And for a high-flying star, it can be humbling. But to come out and confess what went could have wrong, is the hallmark of courage. So many well-to-do men were ruined by the Jubilee government and the Covid pandemic made things worse.
Mustapha was not an exception. His story is actually a metaphor of complicated and twisted upward mobility of many middle-class people. Unless you steal, you are more likely to fall back to poverty, or at best get stuck than move up the ladder. Kenya Kwanza government will sink more people (this is a fact, not a political argument).
So what quick lessons can younger men learn from Mustapha’s plight?
1. Pesa huisha
No matter how good your gig is, however good you are at your job to a point of being irreplaceable, just know all these can end in one flash.
2. Get the fundamentals right
No matter what learned people tell you, own a home first. The American dream doesn’t work in Kenya. There are no secure jobs or a good business environment for entrepreneurship. So every coin you make use it right. As a man, prioritize even a shanty in the outskirts. Or build a better house if you can afford. Should you ever run out of luck, never lack a roof over your head. Rent is the most problematic thing for any adult. The sooner you stop paying it the better.
3. Male Friends Can Be Just as Hypergamous
Everything bad we accuse of women, men are ten times worse. If Mustapha gets called by the President and is appointed into a lucrative position, there are former friends who will surface out of the woodworks, ready to pounce on deals. I don’t know Mustapha at a personal level to know why his well-placed can’t throw him some marketing and musical deals. Sometimes we are the problem. But often times as I said a while back, male friendships especially in Nairobi can be fake and fickle and if you remain broke for far too long, you will be dropped. And if you don’t pick up yourself up very fast, they will write beautiful tributes for you on Facebook and your class will contribute enough to buy you the best casket. Male friends are at once the best and the worst: can hold you down. But when down, oftentimes a woman is more loyal and can pick you up. Do better as men.
4. Family
It is a blessing that Mustapha is taking care of his family, and the mother especially. When all the fame is gone, when the show stops, family is what you retreat to. In good times, always be kind and generous to your family. Create time for them and if there are issues, always solve them, whenever possible.
Importantly, if you are a celebrity with good cash, having a wife who respects and supports your craft and helps you raise a family can give a certain sense of balance and purpose. Pursue your purpose and take care of the family. It is your only defence if everyone deserts you. The only condition is that you have to do right by them.
5. Medical Insurance
We need to find a collective sustainable way of affording healthcare. Catching cancer or any lifestyle disease must never spell financial doom to any individual or family. I call on young and brilliant guys to come up with a way.
6. No Matter What, Keep On Pushing.
No one will come to rescue you as a man. You only got yourself. No matter how low you go, you will still rise. Jacob Aliet told us recently that even if you are an unemployed graduate and you are forced to sell roasted maize by the roadside, if you are good and competent, you won’t be there for long before your fortunes change. Mustapha is a Kapuka icon and at the last count, more than Sh 600,000 has been raised to help. He said he wants to open a shop and asked for continued support from fans. Not all men are as lucky. But if he ended up in a mjengo, you too can do any job, if only to get by or stay afloat.
7. When You Are Broke, No Women For You.
We will talk about financial invisibility that afflicts broke men. If women suffer social invisibility, financial invisibility is worse because it has no substitute. A woman can change her circles and suddenly she is visible. A broke man has no circle. Mustapha said as much, he is not interested in women (read: women are not interested in a broke dude, his talent notwithstanding.
8. Negative Coping Mechanisms Are The Norm
Don’t ever be afraid of downgrading. In fact the sooner you do so, the better if the future doesn’t look so good. Sometimes wives don’t like downgrading. Here is where your leadership and vision comes in.
9. Read the Room. Know When to Cash Out.
Understand the transitions in your career. Understand the seasons. And your limitations. Few football players for instance can play for almost 20 years like Cristiano. Fatigue, injuries, lack of pedigree, discipline, most players usually do an average of 112 years before they fade into forgotten leagues or retirement. Some go into business like former Arsenal player, Flammini who is a businessman. Some become coaches, some scouts, ambassadors and some commentators. In any field you are, always grow into the next thing. Don’t stay in one place for too long.
10. Read the Memos
You may never understand most of things until they happen to you. But investing in knowledge can teach you in areas of your life you need to be vigilant. Most men are usually blindsided when shit hits the fan.
If you are young(below 33), you still have a good time to learn from our mistakes, some of them were totally avoidable if an elder spoke to us.
What can you learn from Colonel Mustapha’s Plight as a man?
By SILAS NYANCHWANI.
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