Man charged with threatening to kill girlfriend and her family after she dumped him

Tuesday, May 12, 2026 - A man in New Jersey is facing charges of attempted m8rder, terroristic threats and more after he allegedly drove eight hours to his ex-girlfriend's home, threatening to k!ll her and her family after she reportedly broke up with him.

Prosecutors in Ocean County, New Jersey, say 37-year-old Brian Lanzim, a former firefighter and EMT, had two firearms, a bulletproof vest and 15 large-capacity magazines in his trunk as he drove from his home in Maine to South Toms River, New Jersey, on April 29. 

When he arrived, he was confronted by police and shot by an officer as he tried to enter the home.

"He was ready for war," assistant prosecutor Mara Brater said during a hearing on May 8, 2026

According to Asbury Park Press, Lanzim set out on the trip after his former girlfriend, with whom he shares two kids, ended their relationship over FaceTime.

During the call, Lanzim allegedly told his ex, "You don't know crazy yet." 

The woman said she also heard the sound of a gun clicking during the call.

After the woman threatened to go to police, Lanzim reportedly sent threatening text messages, including "If your father is there, I'm going to have to take him out," and "If you stand between me and my kids, I'm going to do what I need to do," as well as threatening to leave her father “pulseless in the driveway.”

He also allegedly told her, “If I can't have you, no one can,”

The woman filed for a temporary restraining order. Police then waited for Lanzim to show up at the New Jersey home, where he was shot in the pelvis and hand by an officer. 

Per an affidavit, Lanzim could be heard yelling that he "lost her" and "tell her and the boys I love her" after being shot.

Lanzim was taken to the hospital for treatment and then booked into the Ocean County Jail on May 4.

Prosecutors say they believe Lanzim intended to k!ll or seriously harm his ex's family so he could have custody of their children. 

They allege Lanzim had been "spiraling out of control" since March when he lost the job he had moved to Maine for in September.

Lanzim's defense attorney says Lanzim, who has bipolar disorder and was receiving psychiatric treatment in Maine, was experiencing a severe mental health crisis triggered by the breakup.

He is facing three counts of attempted murder, two counts of possession of a weapon for an unlawful purpose, two counts of unlawful possession of a weapon, unlawful use of body armor, burglary, terroristic threats and 22 counts of possession of large capacity ammunition magazines. 

He is being held without bond